


War of Hearts

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/M, M/M, No Porn, but lots of pining, i dont know what made me think that i could write, i guess kinda, i have no idea what this is, umm shadowhunters au?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-04-09
Packaged: 2018-05-30 21:38:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6441808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>inspired by malec-the ship, the episode, and the kiss because lord knows that destroyed me</p>
            </blockquote>





	War of Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> so theres a bunch of wedding stuff in here but! i have no idea about the actual /technicalities/ of a wedding so its probs all wrong oh well
> 
> no but seriously all i the research for this is watching the malec episode and common sense (by thomas paine)

Alexander looked down at his phone incredulously. He was on Facebook, casually reading up on (stalking) his best friend for 3 years (and crush) John Laurens. And then he found this:  _Just got engaged to Martha Manning!!! So happy!!! <3 her with all my heart!!_

The first thing Alexander did when he read this was throw his phone at the wall. 

"What was that," his roommate, Lafayette yelled.  

"Oops," Alex yelled back sarcastically. 

Laf came out from their room, and surveyed the living room. "Why'd you throw your phone," they drawled, leaning against the doorframe. 

"Have you checked facebook recently," he asked them, agitated. 

"No," they said, pulling out their phone. "Why would I check that minion-fucking site," they muttered. Alex carefully watched their face for a reaction. 

"Well?" he prompted. Laf looked up at him.

"Mon dieu," they whispered, staring at their phone. "The fuck is this?"

" _Right?"_

"I mean, I should be happy for him, but I'm just confused," they said, with a pointed look at Alex. "Why would he fucking propose when...." they trailed off.

"What?" Alex said, his face buried in a pillow. 

"Nothing," Laf said quickly. "Just, um, talk to him ok? And be... honest." They disappeared back into their room.

Alex moaned into his pillow, distraught.  _Has my three years of pining gone to waste?_ He thought to himself.  _I'm pretty sure my admiring John from a far far distance would have been quite noticeable._ He grabbed his phone, thankfully not broken, and scrolled to John's contact. 

 _The fuck do I say?_ For once, Alexander was at a loss for words. He typed out a text to John, read it, edited it a fuck ton, read it, edited it a bit more, and then finally sent it with the concluding thought of  _fuck it._ He threw his phone on the couch, and then went and took a long cold shower where he could literally hear his heart breaking into pieces.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

John groaned, forcing his eyes open. And then immediately closed them, because _ew, sunlight._  His head hurt, his throat hurt, and he really needed to throw up. 

He stumbled towards the bathroom, barely making it there in time before he threw up in the toilet.  _Why did I even go out last night,_ he thought to himself.  _Oh yeah,_ he thought mockingly.  _The proposal._

He stumbled out of the bathroom, and into the kitchen where his roommate Hercules was sitting. 

"Wow, you look fucked up," Herc commented, taking a sip of his coffee. 

"Oh my god," John groaned. "Literally shut the fuck up."

"Ok," Herc snickered. John flipped him off, and grabbed a donut and sat down across from Herc. 

"Why did I even drink last night," he moaned, covering his face with his hands. 

"Um, you updated your facebook," Herc prompted. "And then, you realized that your  _love of your life,"_ he said girlishly. "Would have seen, and then you didn't want to think about that, so you dragged me along to get some drinks, and now you have a really fucking bad hangover."

John covered his ears. "I'm an idiot." Herc hummed in assent. "No, but seriously, I'm an idiot. Now Alex is gonna be super mad at me for not telling him, and oh my god my life is ruined forever." Herc nodded.

"You better clean this shit up man," he said, sipping his coffee.

"I hate you," John muttered, rising up to stumble back into this room. 

"I'm going out with Peggy today," Herc yelled to him when he was in his room.

"I'm not leaving so that you two could have sex in here," he yelled back, and flopped onto his bed. He grabbed his phone, and turned it on, thanking the gods that someone was lucid enough to turn his phone off, so that he wouldn't be drunkenly sending Alexander love confessions. He typed in his password, expecting to be bombarded by a barrage of texts from Alexander. He got one.

_We need to talk._

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

"Alexander," John said loudly, shutting the door behind him. He was at Alex and Laf's.

He walked to the living room, where Alex was sitting on the couch, with his laptop. He looked like a mess, more prominent than usual dark circles under his eyes and messy hair. A very cute mess, though. It made John's heart ache; he wanted to fix him up and just cradle him and protect him and love him.

Alex looked up at him icily.

"Hey," John said hesitantly, bracing himself. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

Alex laughed mirthlessly. "I highly doubt that that question is necessary." He cocked his head. "Who's Martha Manning?"

"Oh," John said, pulling out his phone clumsily. "Um, here." He scrolled through his photos, and showed Alex a picture of her. She was cute, John couldn't deny that, with light olive skin and a bright smile. Still not John's type though, John's type was in front of him, scrutinizing the picture on his phone. 

Alexander looked up at him again, his eyes warranting an explanation. For someone so notorious for never shutting up, he was being so quiet. It was kinda scaring him. 

"Oh, so she's this girl-"

"I assumed."

"Yeah, um, so yeah," he stumbled. He sat down on the couch, next to where Alexander's legs were. Alexander moved his legs away. "We met, at the Pandemonium." A club that he, Alex, and the rest of the crew frequented. "She's that girl I took home that one time," he continued, not looking into Alexander's eyes. 

He scratched at his ear, and continued, staring at the floor. "And then we, um, had sex-" A dreadful experience for John, really. He just might regret that night for the rest of his days. "And now, she's, um, pregnant-" At that, Alexander stood up. "With my child, and now I'm marrying her. Because, well, it would be disgraceful to just leave her be."

Alexander walked into the kitchen, John leaping up quickly to follow.  _Please, please, please, just say something,_ he thought.  _It's just torturous for you to keep silent, please, just tell me how you feel, something._ Alexander grabbed a glass of water, and John stood, a few paces away, watching. 

"So you're marrying her to preserve your family honor," Alex said, leaning against the counter. He took a sip of his water. 

"Yes?" 

A moment of silence. 

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" 

"Alex," John pleaded, stepping in front of him. Alex maneuvered around him, stepping back, leaving them the same distance apart as before. 

"Answer the question."

"I don't know! I'm an idiot! A huge fucking idiot for getting myself into this mess," he said. He licked his lips nervously. "Look, can you just talk to me!" 

Alex shrugged, not looking at his eyes.  _Why won't you look at me,_ John thought.  _Please, just look at my eyes, I want to know how you feel._ And then he followed Alex's gaze, and realized that he was looking at his lips. 

 _Oh fuck. Shit. Fuck._ John shifted around uncomfortably, mentally reminding himself,  _no, he's not in love with you, don't you dare kiss him, don't you fucking dare._

Alex sighed, breaking him out of his trance. "I don't know, John," he said, finally looking into John's eyes. He saw sadness, heartbreak, rejection? "Goodbye," he said, brushing past him and going into his room. John stood there, helpless. 

_Well I fucked up big time._

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 _Aham_ added  _commaafterdearest, elizafiza, andpeggy, horsefucker, and frenchfry  
_ to group chat  _#operationstopjohn_

 **Aham:** guys

 **Aham:** friends

 **commaafterdearest:** fellow associate

 **frenchfry:** what now alex

 **andpeggy:** why are u 2 texting each other u literally live in the same apartment 

 **Aham:** shut up peggy is for emphasis 

 **elizafiza:** why is this called operation stop john

 **horsefucker:** why isnt john in here

 **commaafterdearest:** are plotting against him?

 **commaafterdearest:** murder? ;)

 **elizafiza:** NO, angelica, no murder today

 **commaafterdearest:** youre no fun

 **Aham:** NO WE ARE NOT COMMITTING MURDER

 **Aham:** (just yet anyways)

 **Aham:** yall heard about john's wedding right

 **commaafterdearest:** we aint stupid

 **commaafterdearest:** unlike  _some_ people

 **andpeggy:** shady

 **Aham:** um

 **Aham:** im just gonna assume that you're not talking about me

 **horsefucker:** are yall planning to murder john dont do that just yet wait till he pays rent for this month and then do it k thx

 **Aham:** WERE NOT MURDERING JOHN I SWEAR

 **Aham:** the reason that we are gathered here today

 **commaafterdearest:** you say at johns funeral

 **Aham:** goddammit angelica

 **Aham:** ok how many of you guys think that johns plan to marry martha is incredibly stupid and idiotic 

 **elizafiza:** aye

 **horsefucker:** aye

 **frenchfry:** aye

 **andpeggy:** aye

 **commaafterdearest:** aye

 **andpeggy:** what are we on spongebob on that one episode

 **horsefucker:** oh! the one where krabs did that thing

 **Aham:** GUYS

 **Aham:** ive gathered you guys here today

 **andpeggy:** FUNERAL

 **frenchfry:** tbh alex u kinda walked into that one

 **horsefucker:** and yet u consider yourself 'smart'

 **Aham:** literally all of u stfu

 **commaafterdearest:** you're one to talk

 **Aham:** omg just let me get my point through

 **Aham:** We need to prevent that wedding from happening 

 **elizafiza:** why r u so bent on ruining this wedding

 **Aham:** no reason what r u talking about

 **andpeggy:** john and alex, sitting in a tree

 **horsefucker:** K-I-S-S-I-N-G

 **Aham:** wtf

 **commaafterdearest:** come on alex we aint stupid

 **commaafterdearest:** you want to ruin the wedding cause you're in  _love_

 **commaafterdearest:**  and besides, since everything's going to shit, i think its safe to start teasing u about u and ur  _undying love_ for john motherfucking laurens

 **Aham:** what! no? we're just friends

 **elizafiza:** alexander dont pretend that john is your friend we all know that he loves you

 **Aham:** ARE YOU GONNA HELP ME RUIN THIS OR NOT

 **elizafiza:** would be kinda awkward for me to help u with this

 **elizafiza:** cause i /am/ the maid of honor

 **Aham:** what

 **frenchfry:** and i kinda /am/ the groomsman 

 **frenchfry:** groomsmanbutnotactuallyaman?

 **frenchfry:** groomsperson 

 **horsefucker:** im the flower girl

 **elizafiza:** yea martha basically let him do all the planning and shit since she dgaf

 **elizafiza:** shes pretty chill this martha i like her a lot

 **Aham:** what

 **frenchfry:** its weird i know u would think that u would be the groomsman

 **frenchfry:** since u kinda /are/ his bff

 **andpeggy:** or bf

 **horsefucker:** well if it makes u feel any better i literally live with him and i found out about the wedding through facebook

 **Aham:** IVE BEEN HIS BEST FRIEND FOR THREE YEARS AND I FOUND OUT ABOUT IT THROUGH FACEBOOK

 **Aham:** AND NOW IM NOT THE GROOMSMAN THE FUCK IS GOING ON

 **horsefucker:** hey little homie dont get so upset

 **horsefucker:** during the entire time, im just gonna probably hang out with peggy, eating out margaritas

 **commaafterdearest:** you dont eat out......

 **commaafterdearest:** DAMN HERC THAT WAS WHAT

 **elizafiza:** FUCK

 **andpeggy:** come over

 **elizafiza:** NO

 **commaafterdearest:** DONT YOU DARE PEGGY

 **horsefucker:** k

 **elizafiza:** PEGGY

 **commaafterdearest:** WERE COMING AFTE RYOU

 **Aham:** did we just lose the schuyler sisters and herc

 **frenchfry:** i believe we did

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Cobalt blue or gold yellow?" Eliza asked John while stroking a bundle of cloth. John away from his phone and glanced at the two options. 

"I literally do not give a fuck." Eliza let out a quiet laugh. The two of them were at some store to get stuff for the wedding. John had no idea what was going on, just trusting Eliza to plan out his wedding well. 

"Blue then," Eliza said, biting her lip. "It's elegant, masculine, kinda like you," she said softly. "So.... what's up with you and Alex?" she asked hesitantly. John sighed, running a hand through his hair. 

"It's complicated. I really don't want to talk about it."

"You should," Eliza urged. "I mean, he's your best friend, and he's not even your groomsman?"

"Yeah...." John knew why he didn't choose Alexander. It would have been just too painful. "I was talking to him yesterday, about the wedding, and he was just really cold to me. I mean, shouldn't he be, like, happy that I'm getting married?" 

Eliza stayed silent at that. "What?" John asked her. She shrugged. 

"I'm gonna be totally honest with you John," she said. "I think that this wedding is complete bullshit and needs to be called off. That's coming from me, a helpless romantic."

John looked at her, betrayed. "Why would you think that?"

Eliza shrugged. "You're ruining your life, marrying her out of honor. As much as I support Martha, I suggest you do not go through with this wedding."

"And what, just have an illegitimate child running around."

Eliza turned and faced him. "This is _not_ the 1800s, John. This is the 21st century, where people can make mistakes and not be burned at the stake or be discriminated against for the rest of their life for fucking up." John looked at her dazedly. 

"And besides," she continued, making gestures with her hands. "As much as I support Martha, you don't have to _marry her._ Figure out something with the child. You're just going to be living a  _lie_ for the rest of your life. It may seem like a big deal now, but you and Martha are able to figure it out and keep  your child happy.  _And,_ talk to Alexander. You shouldn't be ruining some of the  _best_ friendships in your  _life_ because of this." At that, she turned around and promptly left the store, muttering "If you two are even considered friends, when you both are desperately...."

John stood their shocked. Out of all the things, he did not expect sweet, pure, cinnamon roll Eliza to blow up on him like that.  _Well,_ he thought.  _I have some fuck ups I have to fix._

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 "Alexander?"

Alex looked up from his laptop, where he was typing away. He was at his apartment, writing something, when a sweet, melodic voice broke him out of his trance. 

John's voice.

Even when Alex was pissed at him, he couldn't stop singing praises at John Laurens.

A couple footsteps, and John appeared. He was wearing a cute sweater, tight jeans that made Alex's mouth water a bit, and his hair was in a ponytail. He looked perfect. 

"What." Alex said, with none of his usual friendly demeanor. He spent all day being bitter, sending short, clipped replies to John's text messages, he wasn't gonna stop now and lose all of his hard work. He was being quite the actor, pretending like he was furious at John when he was, after all, helplessly in love with him.

"Um, hey," John said, scratching at the back of his ear. "I need to talk to you."

"Ok," Alex said shortly, slamming his laptop shut and placing it on the coffee table next to his couch. "What is it."

"It's about... the wedding?" John said hesitantly, with a chagrined smile. That smile made Alexander melt inside, but outside he just looked at him coldly. 

"What about it? About how I'm not the groomsman. How, you didn't bother telling me to my face? How, you're getting  _married,_ just to preserve your family honor?"

"Yes?"

Alex sighed, and looked away. 

"Hey," John said, a bit inflamed. "Shouldn't you be, I don't know,  _happy_ for me?"

Alex scoffed, and rolled his eyes. "You're making a mistake."

"So! It's my life to ruin," John said, outraged. Alexander flinched, but he was used to John's short temper. After all, he was quite similar himself. 

"You'll be lonely all your life," Alex half shouted. "Neither of you deserve it." _And I don't either,_ Alex thought. 

 "You don't understand, Alex," John said harshly. "You and I, we understand marriage differently. Family, tradition, honor-"

"Honor?" Alex interrupted, his voice going slightly high-pitched. "What is the  _honor_ in living a lie?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Why don't you marry for something less.... trivial. What about love?"

"Are you saying this is trivial," John said, raising his voice. "She is  _pregnant."_

Alexander stood up, clearly pissed. "Just because you knocked her up doesn't mean you have to ruin your life forever!" 

John stood up as well, a little bit taller than Alex. "So? What do you expect me to do?"

"Call. Off. The. Wedding."

John looked down at their feet, and shook his head slightly. "No."

"Just.... just say you're in love with Martha. And I'll stop." He took a step closer to John. 

John fumbled around. "I.... I don't know," he stuttered out. He straightened his spine, regaining his height over Alexander. "Why do you keep pushing me?"

"I'm just trying to make sure you don't do anything stupid-"

"You're not answering the question, Alexander-"

"Well, I don't want you to make a decision that you're gonna regret for-"

"I told you! It's my life to ruin. And besides-"

"What's the honor in living a lie-"

"Why are you so bent on having the wedding cancelled-"

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU."

Alex saw it immediately, how John's face fell, how all of those thoughts ran through his head- _love? love, he means the platonic way right? No, if it was platonic, he wouldn't want the wedding to be cancelled- oh that's why._ He saw how John flinched away from him, probably utterly disgusted- _by what? the fact that Alex was bi? the fact that he was in love with his best friend- for three years,_ three years,  _and didn't have the courage to tell him? Probably all of the above._ He stood there as John turned around, as if burned- _probably disgusted, thinking that Alex was gay, a faggot, an utter disgrace to everything- why wouldn't he think that? His father was like that, he was born like that-no no Alex, you shouldn't compare him to his asshole of a father-but that's what he's probably thinking-_  and ran out of his apartment. 

"Well," Laf said, emerging from their room. "You fucked up, yet again."

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

"Are you sure about this?" Laf asked Alex, squatting in front of him as if Alexander was a small six year old (which he kind of was). 

"Yes," Alex said, sprawling on his couch. They were talking about his ultimatum decision of not going to the wedding. "John probably hates me because of what I said, and anyways, it's just gonna be too painful to watch him get married to someone that's not me."

Laf smiled sadly, brushing away Alexander's hair. "He doesn't hate you."

Alex gave him a pointed look. "You don't know that."

"Mon cher, yes I do. But hey- like you say, it's your life to ruin," they said. They stood up, walking out and heading to the wedding. 

"Wait," Alex said, grabbing Laf's hand.

"Yes?"

"Thanks. For, um, being a good friend, and not, um, pressuring me to do these things. God, that was awkward." Laf smiled, and patted his head. 

"See you after the wedding. I'll bring you some cake."

Alex gave them a sad thumbs up as they left, and then promptly flopped over and buried his face into a pillow.  _My life is absolute shit,_ he thought to himself. 

"Well it's not as bad as my life," a feminine voice said motherly. "But that's coming from me, and I'm dead."

Alex jolted up, looking around. _Wait,_ he thought.  _That was the voice of my mother._ He sat up straight, and grabbed at a picture on the coffee table next to him. The picture was of him, and his mother, who died when he was young. It was the only picture he had of her. 

"Oh, how I loathe that photograph. I must remember, chin down, eyes up, otherwise I look like a squinty toad," the voice said again. Alex looked up from the picture to see his mother, smiling teasingly.

"Mom?"  

"Yes, Alexander," she said exasperatedly. 

Um. Ok. He was seeing ghosts.

Stranger things happened.

"You're here," he said, shocked.

"You wouldn't think I would just leave you, did you?" She stood up, and stroked Alex's shoulder lovingly. "My dear son, I will  _always_ be here for you." She walked and sat down on a couch across from him. "Now, please, put away that horrid photograph, it reminds me of a night which I would rather forget." She cocked her head. "So. Your love life sucks."

Alex smiled sadly, pulling his legs up. His mom was just so comforting sometimes. "Oh, how I loved him," he said, referring to John. 

"That's not a past tense, Alexander."

"He broke my heart." 

"Unintentionally, yes. But you let him break your heart. That's coming from you, a resilient, rebellious fighter."

Alex smiled at her comment, and gazed at the photograph of her again.  _Should I call him, maybe apologize, I mean, I don't want to lose his friendship, that's the reason I've pining after him for three fucking years, because he didn't want to lose their friendship._ He looked up to ask him Mom for advice, on what he should do, and she was gone.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 "Are you sure you want to go through with this?" Martha asked kindly, brushing away a stray piece of hair from John's face.

"What? Huh, um, yeah," he said dazedly. He played around with his phone in his hand. It was wedding day, and the two of them were having one last talk before the actual ceremony. 

"Because, it's ok if you don't want to marry me because of this. We'll figure something out." No, no, John couldn't  _not_ marry her, lest his father had something to say about it. 

His father was oddly overjoyed when he heard how he knocked her up. Oddly. 

"No, no, no, it's fine," John said, brushing away her hand. He didn't really deserve Martha. She was sweet, kind, gentle, both of them shouldn't suffer so much from when they were young and stupid. 

"You ready?" she asked, standing up. She held out her hand. She looked gorgeous in her dress, something he should have really been paying attention to, but John couldn't help but think about his Alexander. Who was in  _love_ with him. He shook away the thoughts, thinking  _not now._ He took her hand, giving her a soft smile.

"Yea," he said, turning off his phone. "I think I'm ready."

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

Alex sighed, looking at his phone. _Should I call him? Or should I not? Or should I?_ He wished his mother was here, his anxiety was going to be the death of him. With the thought of  _fuck it,_ he pressed dial and called John. 

 _Ring, ring, ring._ He didn't pick up. Alex groaned in frustration, and threw his phone at where his mom was previously sitting. 

"Rude." Alex groaned again, and covered his eyes with his hand. He looked at his mother through his fingers.

"Now I can see where I got all of my sarcasm." His mom laughed lightly, and leaned forward.

"I don't understand why you didn't go after that boy," she said seriously.

Alex shrugged helplessly. "I'm an idiot. I'm too problematic. I don't deserve him."

"Nuhuhuhuhuhuh," she said, waving her finger. "I'm ain't having anything with this self-hate. Now, as it is obviously evident that you two evidently deserve each other, you need to find him. Love like that doesn't come easily. This isn't just some silly infatuation, if it was, it would have passed years ago. Now, when you find love like this, you must do everything in your power to fight for it."

Alex leaned back, taking in her words. And then promptly rose up, rushing towards his room. 

"Going somewhere?" his mom asked him, amused.

Alex turned and looked at her adoringly. "Even in death, you give the best advice."

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

John looked at the guests apprehensively from his podium. They were mingling about, waiting for the ceremony. He saw Angelica, in a stunning pink dress, holding hands with her girlfriend, Maria. He saw Eliza, in a blue dress chatting with Peggy. Laf stood next to him, as moral support. 

After a while, John's asshole of a father came up to him. "When you first proposed to Martha," he said. "I'll admit, I was a bit weary."  _No, no you weren't, you were overjoyed that I was with a_ girl, John thought. But he kept a straight face.

Henry took in a deep breath, and stepped forward, smoothening the lapels on John's suit. "But now, you've made me so proud." John couldn't help it, but he somewhat glowed under the praise.  _I guess that's all I ever wanted,_ he thought bitterly.  _Not Alexander, not love, but to make my father proud._

He forced a smile as Henry patted his cheek, and then walked away to talk to the other guests. John turned, facing Laf.

"Alright," they said. "You ready for this?" they asked, worried. John sighed as Laf messed with his lapels. _Stop with the fucking lapels_ he thought exasperatedly. 

"I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Thanks for being here for me." 

Laf patted his arm. "I wouldn't be anywhere else."

The two took their positions on the altar, and waited for the ceremony to start. Peggy gave him an encouraging smile from the front row.

"Attention," the officiant said in a deep voice. "The ceremony is about to commence."

Eliza hurried up to her spot next to them. The doors to the chapel opened, and in came Hercules, as the flower girl. That was something he and Martha decided on, they thought that it was ridiculous in the best way possible. From next to him, John heard Laf try to stifle a laugh. 

Herc walked down the aisle, throwing flower petals, and eventually reached the end. He gave a sarcastic curtsey to John, who cracked a smile, and then sat next to Peggy, who gave him a kiss on the cheek.

John sighed. He was starting to sweat, and there were drum beats playing in his head. Probably his heartbeat, but it felt like he was going along some song or something.

Next, Martha appeared at the doors. She looked absolutely gorgeous, wearing a sparkly white dress and holding a bouquet of flowers. John tightened his jaw, and couldn't help but thinking,  _I wish Alex was there instead of her._

Because Alex wasn't there at the wedding. His best friend had apparently decided not to come. John could understand why, the proceedings would now be much easier now that he wasn't there. But his heart still ached to see his Alexander.

Martha smiled, and started walking down the aisle. He heard Herc whisper a "wow" to Peggy, who replied with a "I would hit that, wouldn't you?" and Herc a "I so would." The two fist bumped. John smiled, watching them. They were such goals sometimes.

Eventually, Martha reached the end of the aisle, and John lent out a hand to her. She took it, giving him a grateful smile, and stepped up on the podium, facing him.

She gave him a small smile, and turned around to take a bracelet from Eliza, because tradition. Eliza looked at her, with thinly concealed resentment. 

Martha placed the bracelet on John's wrist. John gave her a hint of a smile. He felt bad for being so unresponsive towards her, since she was practically beaming and he was serious and subdued. But who can blame him.

He grabbed a necklace from Laf, had her turn around and put it on her. She touched it placatingly, feeling the weight around her neck, and looked up and smiled at Eliza. Eliza looked away.

The two held hands, and faced the officiant. "It is time for John Laurens and Martha Manning to exchange rings. A ring on the hand, the love in your heart. Together, a union is born." 

Martha and John faced each other again. Martha took the ring from Eliza. She looked at him inquisitively, and John nodded. She was just about to put the ring on John's finger when someone barraged into the ceremony. 

Everybody turned and watched as Alexander stormed into the chapel. He was wearing a suit, tightly fitted, and his hair was up in a perfect bun. It was simply obscene. 

Alexander strode up to the middle of the aisle, and stopped, and looked at John's eyes. His eyes were simply just  _begging_ him to call it off. John flinched.

At the front row, Henry turned around to glare at Alexander. "What's that bastard doing here?" he hissed. 

Alexander ignored him, or simply didn't hear him, opting to instead lock eyes with John, conveying with his dark eyes a simple message of  _please._ John couldn't take his eyes off of him.

"I thought he wasn't coming," Laf whispered to Eliza from behind him. Eliza smiled; the first time she smiled that day.

John saw from his peripheral vision Henry standing up, and striding to where Alexander was standing. "Hamilton, leave this wedding now." He never took a liking to his Alexander. 

Alex gave him a look, and put up two fingers, warding him away. "Henry this is between me and your son," he said, his tone brokering no argument. He let out a breath. "I'll leave if he asks me to." He stepped forward, coming even closer to John.

John couldn't stop staring at him. Alex regarded him with a level gaze; a challenge. 

"You gonna be ok buddy?" Laf asked from behind him. 

He sighed. 

"John?" Martha asked him, tightening her grip on his hand. He finally looked away. "Hey," she said, smiling. Honestly, none of them deserved her. 

"It's, uh," he said, gasping. "I can't breathe." 

"I know," she whispered. "It's ok." 

John took a deep breath. "I can't do this." Martha's face fell. "I thought we were, uh, doing the right thing, but this isn't it."

"You don't have to explain," she said quietly. 

"Martha, I'm so so sorry."

"Hey," she said, reaching her hand up and stroking his jaw. "You deserve to be happy." 

 _So do you,_ John thought.

"I'll be fine," she continued. John sighed, and turned to face Alexander again. 

No one saw how Martha's face was the epitome of despair as he faced his Alexander.

He took a small step forward, at the edge of the altar, facing everybody. He looked into Alex's eyes again, saw how they became so so  _so_ hopeful, thinking to himself,  _I never want to make him feel pain again._

And then he took a step down, walking down the altar and to the aisle. Closer to his Alexander.

He kept his face blank, and so did Alex, but their eyes just  _shone_ with hope.

John took a deep breath, and began walking towards his Alex. 

Henry saw this, and immediately rushed towards him.

"Jack," he said. "What are you-"

"Enough." 

He walked, step by step, reached his Alexander, and grabbed him by his lapels and just  _kissed_ him.

The kiss was  _beautiful,_ it was  _amazing,_ it was  _perfect,_ it was all he could have hoped for. He felt Alex's hands on his waist, pulling them closer as they kissed. He opened his mouth, feeling Alex's tongue against his. It was loud, it was noisy, it was utterly obscene. 

He pulled back, looking tenderly at Alex. The drums he was hearing in his brain went away. Alex looked at him, with so much  _love_ and  _adoration,_ John couldn't help but push his mouth against Alex's once again. 

He couldn't help it. It was his everything. 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> this feels like this is all promotion for shadowhunters i mean it kinda is u should watch it watch it watch it  
> 


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